I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
