I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
