I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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