And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
