when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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