threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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