White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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