How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
