Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
