It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize