I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
