The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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