i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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