I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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