He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize