Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
