3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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