If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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