i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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