Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
