Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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