Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
