i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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