Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
