so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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