I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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