just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
