oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
