I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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