Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
