have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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