Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
