Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
