Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
