so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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