All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize