nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
