This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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