She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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