my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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