I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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