Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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