Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
