I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
