have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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