Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
