I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
