You're completely useless in the revolution.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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