If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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