I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
