If i come over, it means nothing
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
