i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
