i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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