another moral hangover. fuck.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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