If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
