Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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