you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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