So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
