Your face is a jimmy john
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
