Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
