She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
