I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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