Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
