I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
