dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
