I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
