I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
