yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
