drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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