I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
