if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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