Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
