I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
